Things about me!

We all grow. And, we change. I have often wondered how original we are if we are always changing? And for this reason, we’re almost always biased. Things around us influence us, and sometimes in ways that we can’t control. But I also believe that there are some core things, some honest, true things that are unique to us. I have some of those things that make me Leena (who else?)!

Now, I am not a fan of the “seize the moment” advice. I find it almost sad. And I get what it is meant to be, really. Make the most of the moment, but what if I want to use this moment to make my next moment better? I think I’d like that! And for those who’ll say, what if you don’t get the next moment? But that’s okay, right? You don’t get a lot many things that you want or even work for. This shouldn’t stop you from working for it. And so I keep doing these things, for my future self. I like the advice, live in the moment. Because then it’s about living whatever we are offered — happiness, sadness, anger, disappointment, everything. Living all of it and more! And come to think of it, while doing these things, I have had my precious moments. And I lived in those moments, and they have shaped my experiences in so many ways. But then I look back and realize I have changed so much and can’t often point what led to the change.

So a few years back, I started thinking about this and even notice some things about me. Now, these things about me may change in the future. And that’s why I have started to make a running list of things that I know to be true about myself. I honestly feel that knowing yourself is a superpower, almost like an algorithmic superpower that today controls so many of our everyday decisions! So I am listing below things that I know to be true about myself, I’ll come back, make edits, change, add, update, but for now, I know this to be true.

Things I know to be true about me today

1. How I do things in life matters to me more than what I do.
2. I strongly believe anybody in this world can learn anything if they want to, at any time of life.
3. I feel we always have more options than we think we have.
4. Some days, I am almost guilty of things that I have in life because I feel what I have right now is because of sheer luck. I also know this isn’t true, but I can’t get myself to not believe otherwise.
5. I admittedly understand that I am a very tiny part of something too big, but I also feel that life is so splendid and glorious on some days.
6. I don’t think all my lists and efforts always work but making lists, making tiny efforts always help.
7. For me, it’s important to know that I made a small change, rather than knowing I played a small part in a big change.
8. I over expect things. And that I want to change this about myself.
9. It upsets me when I realize that I have started doing things half-heartedly.
10. I don’t like using hashtags on social media for some reason. But I get why they exist etc.
11. I feel that all of us should be allowed to exist without fear, without hatred, without oppression. I feel sad about why that can’t happen.
12. I am guilty of thinking too much for somethings, and sometimes not thinking about some things at all (because I am thinking of other stuff). But I am never not-thinking.
13. As a kid, I collected stamps and then traded those to start collecting coins. I still think that is one of the best deals I made in life.
14. I really really really really like icecreams.
15. My order of preference for consuming content is Read >> Watch > Listen
16. I don’t think I can dance. But I danced a lot when I was a kid, and I find this strange. And then I remind myself about this.
17. I am always on time (sometimes ahead), and I respect people who are always on time.
18. I find it extremely hard to show that I am happy when I am not. I can’t pull it off for some reason, and I have really tried hard but I can’t seem to find my way through it. And for those around me, it’s visibly very obvious. And then the only solution I find is cutting myself off from things, which honestly is not really a solution.
19. I feel like there are a lot of things in life that are really hard and scary, but I also feel that’s just the way of life. And you can just get better at handling these, I hope I do.
20. I am a very very very. “window seat person”. And I really really try getting a window seat as much as I can. And that I instantly like people who offer me their window seat.
21. I am really really close to my family, they mean a lot to me. And my biggest fear is of staying away from them, even though I have been staying away from them for the last 7 years.
22. I am constantly scared of making the wrong decisions (even when I don’t have to take any). I understand that I am completely responsible for all my actions but I hope if I make any wrong decision, I can make it as right as possible.

Very random things about me that I remembered while writing this

1. I want to do a lot of things in life, be a lot of things, experience a lot, and balance everything really well. I hope I can manage it all. This gives me joy but also a lot of sadness!!
2. I have written a lot of fan emails/letters in my life, not all of them have been sent.
3. When I was a kid, I believed that other people could see me on TV like how I could see people.
4. I feel that strawberry flavor is not real, it’s artificial. Or whatever they say is strawberry flavored never taste like strawberry.
5. The first book that I ever lost was a pocket dictionary. I took it secretly on a family picnic and lost it.

This has been in drafts for far too long, more than 8 months. So I decided to just do a quick edit and publish it. Honestly, I wanted to publish this properly and give it more thought, but sadly I am not there yet. And delaying it now would have only led to more delays. So here I am, trying for now.

I am not sure when I’ll publish next. I have been busy with work and so many other things that I want to do for myself, but if you’re reading this I’d love to know what you have been up to.

As always, note for self: So much of who we are is based on where we come from, our own experiences. But as we get older, we sometimes tend to start accepting “the way things are”. It’s especially important then to remember to trust early gut instincts and revisit experiences.

With this signing off until next time!

Thank you,

Leena

Last updated this on 28th August 2020