My rulebook for happiness!

I came across this quote by Robert Stevenson today that said, “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy”. I realized how this isn’t true for me. I have always been obsessed with happiness. I don’t think there has ever been a time in my life when I was chasing anything more than happiness. Sometimes my own, and sometimes of the people I love. But for me, it has always been about “being happy”.

Most of my decisions, choices, actions have been about being happy, then happier, and then happiest. It's strange now when I think about it because I have made some really really bad decisions in life. And have done things that I did not like even while doing them and things that I am not really proud of today. But even then, it was always with the only of hope finding some happiness in the process. The point is nothing makes me happier than being happy. And with all of this, I sometimes do all kind of weird things only because that would just make me feel happy. But I have come to realize that what gives me happiness today may not be something that would make me happy tomorrow.

One thing that my mother has always told me is that I should learn how to be happy no matter what the situation is. I really try this with all my heart. Because mothers know best, you know? I am at a stage in life when my choices every single day are going to define my future. I am expected to make important decisions, I am trusted with my choices, and I am responsible for so many things that would directly impact my life and life of the people I love the most. But I am scared. I am scared about one day reaching a point when “being happy” won’t be a reason enough to make decisions. I am scared about the stage when the simple reason of doing things by saying “this really makes me feel good” will welcome questions and judgments of me not being sensible or responsible enough. But isn’t our happiness our responsibility too? And maybe this is the point when Robert Stevenson’s quote would start to make sense!

If you know me, you would know how much I must have (over)thought this whole thing. Even while writing this today, I feel so so scared about the future and what it holds for me. Will I be fine having to leave parts of my life that I have built with so much love? If it comes to it, will I be okay to move on with life without thinking about things that have given me so much happiness? Will it be fair to leave these places that have helped me grow so much and have made me who I am? I am the kind of person who gets too attached to places, people, jobs, houses, and things. But one important lesson that I have learned in the last few years is that we outgrow places! And if we do, the only thing we should do is leave. But will I be okay leaving without being sure if there is anything left for me here to do or be?

I am yet to find answers to so many of these questions, and maybe sometimes it takes a lifetime to find answers to things like these. But we don’t give up this easily, do we? I don’t! So I thought I would set some ground rules for myself (maybe this is just one of those silly things that I do to “feel happy”). But the thing about these rules are, they are not really rules! They are maybe, for the lack of better word, my reminders. My reminders while making those tough big decisions. My reminders for all those times when it gets hard. My reminders for all those times when I am not sure if it is going to be about “being happy”. This is for all those times when “underrating the duty of being happy” feels like the right thing to do. Maybe someday I will look back to this blog and a lot would have changed. I would have completely changed these “ground rules” myself for my own good. But then, for now, this is going to be the start. This is going to be how I start to learn to make those decisions.

It doesn’t have to be about me: This had to be the first reminder. I don’t want to be the selfish person who does things for herself all the time and lives for her own good. If there is something that gives happiness to people I love the most, I need to stop thinking and just do it.

Ask momma: Because she can’t go wrong! Most times she would end up saying that you do what you feel is right. But then, ask her again. Keep asking her. Tell her to help. Remind her of all those motherly duties that she keeps reminding you, but forgets on times like these. At the end of everything, momma knows best!

Whatever you decide, try and make it right: If you decide to do something, no matter how scared you are, do everything that it takes to make it right. It is not about you, and you can’t put things on stake for others. So whatever it is that it takes to make the decision right, do all that you can. Give it your best!

Own your mistakes and face them well: Not everything will be all rosy and nice. There can be difficult consequences of your decisions, there can be mistakes that you make, own it up! Face everything with respect, because remember it was your decision.

Stop thinking as yourself: Think as someone else too! Put yourself in somebody else’s place and understand perspectives. Don’t mindlessly make judgments, reach your own conclusions, and make decisions. Making decisions is easy, making the right one is hard.

And even after all of this if things go wrong, the only next thing to do is chase happiness again. Because that’s the rule! You can go wrong, but that is okay. We all do. If you do, be kind to yourself, stay strong, forgive things, and move on. It isn’t going to be easy, remember this. You may have to handle more difficult things as a result of your decision, but remember that you had made a decision. And sometimes even the chance of having to make decisions is a privilege. You’ll do just good!

There is a lot that was going on. I wanted to write so much, and then I ended up scribbling them on my phone. I will maybe take out more time sometime soon to write more because it makes me feel happy. And for now, that is enough.

Note to self: Don’t be afraid of falling. Skinned elbows and bruised knees make for great stories sometimes. You already have so many! :)

P.S. I would love to know your feedback, thoughts, or things that I can improve. I do not read the blog again after writing and it's just that I write it all in one go whatever comes to my mind, so ignore errors, please. I am learning and hopefully will get better. Thank you as always!