Hoping to be back soon and make it count
It’s exactly 4:58 am on a Sunday morning. I am finishing a course that I have been dragging since months. I have an important pending blog in drafts that I need to submit for publication. I have been thinking about almost everything that is going on in my life right now. I had promised myself to write here every Sunday. But more than others, I am the one who breaks my own promises. It has been exactly 17 Sundays that I have missed writing here. So many times I thought about this but brushed it off too soon. A lot of my friends asked me about it, and I am glad that the last three blogs stayed with them. But I never had an answer to when I was going to write next. I always wanted to say “soon”, but I also always knew that I won’t be able to.
Recently I started posting more on my Instagram and Twitter account. It helps me save a lot of the stuff that I read online and want to save. I have tons of bookmarks that I never manage to go back to. So, I started sharing articles that I love on my Twitter and poems, pictures, and other random things that I read or from my life in general on my Instagram. I have also been writing things in my journal (not as much as I would like).
A lot has changed in the last few months while I was away. I have changed a lot. I don’t think I have grown. But I think I have changed. I am not sure of either. I read all of my last three blogs that I had written in July. I got the sign I was waiting for. And, I knew that I can’t give up this easily. I am not one of those people who can give up too soon (to be honest, I am not sure if this is good or bad). So I decided that I’ll put together anything that I possibly can today — here I am doing just that. Trying once again.
When I see people around me today, I see some of the strongest people. I know a lot of people who have been through some of the hardest times and are so brave, kind, and inspiring. I don’t think I am though. I don’t think I can handle grief. Or loss. Or any difficult thing. A few months ago, I was reading a lot about how to handle grief. I was going through one of those weird phases I guess when I felt that I would start to lose things as I grow up. I still feel that a lot of times. I think growing up is one of the hardest things. I don’t like any part of it. But, I am trying to be more responsible, resilient, and strong. So, a few months ago, I listed things that I noticed in people around me who are kind, brave, resilient and thrive every day in their life. I am sharing them here:
Being resilient isn’t a two-step process. It is a constant effort and a continuous process. You cannot follow any guide or manual and be ready to handle a loss. You cannot do something overnight that can help you overcome grief. You need to give a lot of time and patience to prepare yourself for handling things. You cannot just “bounce back” from adverse situations. You need time, and you should take as much as you need. Be kind to yourself.
Things that happen to us do not define us. But how we react to those things definitely do. Most things in life are not in our control. You cannot plan all the things in life. And, life most definitely doesn’t work according to our plan. So, how we handle things in life — good or bad — is what makes us who we are.
It’s okay to not think about long-term goals. I am one of those people who is always constantly worried — about the future, life, career, family, friends, laundry, less number of parks, and a lot of other things. But I think it is so important that on bad days, you keep your long-term goals aside and focus on surviving the “now”.
Stay in-charge of yourself. Playing a victim role is always an easy way out. We can all find ways to do it. But it's important to stay in charge of ourselves and stop blaming. The way to surface back is always with you. Identify patterns, train your mind, find alternatives and develop everything that YOU think will help you.
Accept the reality. I have always been the person who lives in her own world. I have my own ways of doing things. I believe in completely impossible things. I trick myself sometimes into believing that it is all good. But when it gets bad, know that you don’t want to be me. Do not fool yourself. Accept the reality as soon as you can—It is the only way to move through tough things.
I hope these points help you on days — bad and the difficult ones. It helps me. And, I wanted to note them somewhere so that they are handy and I don’t lose them. So I thought I’ll publish them here. Most times we find our strengths in strange places. I find my strength from my family and some friends. Every time I find myself struggling, I speak to them. And just then, I know that no matter what happens I can handle it. But I hope I can become my own strength too.
We have exactly a month before 2018 ends. There is a lot that 2018 taught me. There are a lot of mistakes that I made, and I have been wise some rare times. I hope I can continue to make more mistakes, but never the same ones ever. I hope I become wiser, stronger, braver, and above all, kinder. I hope I can write more. I plan to. I am not sure when and what I’ll be writing next, but I hope to make it soon. Thank you for always reading, and staying. :)
#Note to self: Make your life glorious and amazing. Believe in your dreams. Be there for people around you. And, always make it count.
Lots of warmth until next time,
Leena
P.S. If you haven’t read how all of this started, you can read the last three posts from my medium profile. If you have any feedback, advice, or tips, I would love to hear from you.
